Can I go to CALTECH?

I wish to be a member of CALTECH.

The decision will change my life deeply.

My life, which I'm not even sure I've ever had any true love in it, is going to be changed.

I love my life.

I don't want to think.

Thinking will entangle me into more complexed, complicated limitation.

But I have to do, what I have to do, I do not find answer from analyzing, philosophy anymore.

This life, this moment is when, where I have to conflict, face, overcome, do not be frustrated.

You can, Belief,


Every human existence cannot be free from ultimate answer to this existence, I cannot be

escaped from wrong- wrong, ever lasting this wrong absurdity.

Because this absurdity is what God is made before.

But I have to live, because God gave me another answer, too.

They are basically written in three words.

Belief, Bravery, Challenge

* I would not add philosophical, analystical, logical contemplation backing up my argument.

I'm lack of time now.

Get nearer to the answer for me

What I've wondered and doubt about is now going to be positively revealed; I think I finally become able to find the appropriate answer for me. I've doubt about school educational system which I get directly modified knowledge from my teacher. Modified knowledge, I've doubt about that for 5 years actually. Frankly, I didn't want to be accustomed and knowledged to modified knowledge. For a long time, I've eagered to get my own point of view myself. Everything around me was the source for research, consideration. I've tried to face with the fact or the object around me without any knowledge or bias at first. It was really challenging job for me because I must attend school and take a lecture from my teacher as a studnet everyday. In my highschool year, I stupidly tried to avoid from any modified knowledge from me. Yet I had a lot of my idea, or my point of view on the object separated from the other, I thought my past trial was not the way for me to follow. Although I am far evolved about some specific field I've done, I failed lots of jobs as a student, and as a I myself. Although I could notice I was trying wrong for my dream, and doubt about the way I was dreaming, I couldn't stop it because I didn't understand the other ways to be with: which was standarized way for my good friends who always did their best as a student, there were the top of the school, and they could get what they need for their dream. Compare to my friends, especially from my high school friends, I was kind of faulty high school student who was the mistakenly accepted to out school. Surely, I've failed at my G.P.A and friendship a lot because my friends did not want to be friend with me who was purchasing something. Maybe I didn't want to have friends or I was not sure about myself. For that, I was not able to purchase something beneficial with society. Maybe, actually I'm sure now, I was too inclinded to do what I wanted to do, and what I felt I need to do. But everything, I must taste bitterness of failure because I was complexed between the world around me and I myself, and I thought it caused my lack of endurances, and kind of rash attitude disturbed me a lot. I must get to be accustomed to one of them: society or my world, but I couldn't make choice exactly. I did have a dream in my life, and I needed to do something social to achieve it. I tried to theorize myself. I didn't want something odd from me, and I tried everything around me must be balanced though I didn't know what was the balance; I mean it was too different to be used to for me. Actually, I didn't know nothing and maybe I was in the darkness for a long time, and maybe I had thought it was the lightness. I am now older than I was used to be believed by me. I judge on myself whether it is true or something horrible. What I had been afraid of, the destruction of my creativity, I don't know it is really creativity or not but for me, I would not matter on this kind of odd, ambiguous matter that I am not able to answer for that exactly now in my present as a student, or as my job. I do have things to deal with. I would not be afraid of that and the way of getting knowledge because I am sure anyway I will have what I'll have to do. I am yet not able to see wholly all of cause and the effect, and maybe it will be able to in the future. But I am sure, my tasks, I would not detail all over them. But myself, I would live what I'll never regret for and be sorry for. I know what I need, I don't yet complete to say something about this situation, but life is on-going movie. Like that, I make it. As I answer for above question, because as truly as 'I' myself as I believe in and reasonable understand and judge is real matter. I need something about really achievement now to GET INTO CALTECH. Q : My feeling and reasonable judgement, I feel or I judge. Q to A : The end of the faith, why philosophy must be differed from the history? support and the fact. Why? Let's relate with human will.

What is the best creativity for me?

One professor at MIT gave me unforgettable wisdom, 'The best creativity is what added to existing scholastic tradition'. It changed my perception on scholar a lot. For a long time, I just tried to make everything connected to me being under my control. I've had to struggle a lot. Because it was almost impossible desire to be done in a time, not the matter of challenging. I did not want to accept the scholastic tradition for a long time. I did not try to get accustomed and be knowledged about scholastic tradition and existing knowledge. In my past 2 years of highschool, I had to try to be knowledged for tests but I didn't. I did not want it because I doubt that knowledge given for the test would blur my creativity. As I remember now, I was afraid of that. I didn't try but I try to grasp the idea suddenly come across my brain like a twinkling star in the darkness of the night. But now, I would change my attitude. I do need to know about the world before I try to amplify my idea all over the world. I must keep my pace and active myself toward scholastic tradition. My friends around me are really good at that. But for a long time, I didn't. I must not forget the meaning of trying and not try to estimate the result above of my ability especially. I would not comment about this idea a lot now. Later I will, but now I have my tasks to finish for my advancement, especially scholastic tradition. In conclusion, the best creativity for me could not be defined but I could learn from it how I can strive for it.

3/3 (2)

The purpose is above of the purpose itself. It make me strive for my goal and give me the chance to reflect myself. Blured purpose, not exactly settled purpose are the burden of my life. Q. Am I know the exact purpose of my life? A : There is no exact ultimate answer for my existence so as long the purpose. If I don't try it, I don't have any meaning at all.
My purpose for 2007 : Get accepted admission from Califonia Institue of Technolohy in undergraduate.
I do really think a lot. But if it is not fit with the achievement of my dream. I must fold it up. Do not afraid to lose my idea. Try to see more broad and wide concept all over myself. It will decide my destiny ultimately whether live or die. I don't have any more lingering attachment for my life. I burn myself. The remainings exist for me are that the power, desire and confidence for my goal. If I achieve it, I will live. If I don't, I will die. Any more lingering attachment for my life. D: I don't mean attachment is the source of my life. I do for my goal. Do in right order. Indescriable and not needed to do it, I must live my life.
p*s :1. I would end up my paragraph under the idea; The purpose is also one kind of human will, and human will could not be grapsed ultimately but I have a chance to try it. 2. Wide philosophical concept gets stronger when they become able to include more broad philosophical conception. 3. Trying to follow the ordered and defined rule would be beneficial and helpful for me to achieve sth in this society. Not every my creativity can change and determine everything by its power.

3/3 (1)

How can I try to achieve something unless I exactly understand who I am? But unfortunately, I don't know the meaning of understanding, or understanding itself. So I have to focus and try my best at my meaning of existence, or existence itself. But in my opinion, yes it would contrary to every mathematical, scientific goal, indescriable and limitlessly questionable inquireness, maybe if I try to find the meaning of sth and find sth to do sth exactly in order, two trying are false. First of all, every substances could get real meaning or existence when they really do their existence, full of being. But if the way I'm following interupt my existence, that has no meaning at all. Q. Can I recognize above of existence? I do what I have to do first. It's not fool to do things different from the ability what I believe in as special. I know what I have to do. At least, I must do what I have to do to fill myself full of being. Anything could not restrain me from my existence. At least, I try it. The worst case is that my thinking limit my existence. I must keep myself. Second, not every question could be answered ultimately except for science and mathematics because these are subjects that reflect time and human will truly. I don't mean the other subjects not. But as I mentioned before in this paragraph, as we defined it, philosophical questions have the meaning and the answers get existence when we are trying to do it. I would support my opinion with the development of philosophy and religion. Try to have it in continual not momentous work. The new start doesn't have essential meaning for me now.

Three teacups...

'Fact' and 'I' have essential difference causing a gap between them, and even that changes the way to do my best. I always need to moderate myself. I always need to live as truly as 'I'. Don't try to be other beings around me. I made my destiny through my decision. I make out the destiny and I have to undertake cause and effect undr the cycle of destiny. I must endure any results to live my life as truly as I can. I always try to find the right way to follow. But now, I am not that much insightful enough to penetrate 'Fact'.
I had been lack of endurances and continuity for a long time. I am writing this essay with my flavor. But that maybe wrong way for me to follow. Actually, I am not good at English very much. My ability is too insufficient to fulfill my goal right now. I don't know ultimately that my decision or behavior is true or not in the present. Unforgettable present, but present is memorized as past by future. The future will be memorized by the present through the path of the past. Living in the present, do my best. Although I can't judge on self-focused matter, I am writing this essay with my satisfaction. I make the present through my perception. I am a student. I need to fulfill a lot of things to make my dreams come true. Maybe, writing is not appropriate work for me. But I do. To summarize and concrete the existence of 'I' myself. I can balance anything through my efforts. To be improved, to be progressed, I must find 'I' and practice 'I' myself. I see 'Fact', but that may not be 'Fact'. Because I make the fact. Through my perception, I make the fact inside of me, not outside of me. Outside of me, there would be real. I am accustomed to the fact inside of me too much. I must be able to see the fact outside of me which would be real. I am nothing now but I hope I would be 'I' in real. I see through my results about my lack of efforts, my poor writing. But I see the possibility, too. Empty enable everything to be existed in the universe. I must ask questions and try to get the answers in the present. Maybe, I will not be able to get what I've wanted for my life, or forever. Do not try to judge on myself. This is wrong. Everything could have its own meaning, but that is wrong. I must endure, above all, I must enjoy everything concerned on me, and try to make it positive in my way. The absolute itself could not be caught forever in the present, or in the time table. I must endure on it ultimately. In the form of matter, where is the way for me to run? That is Mathematics. Simple but weak, illogical sentences make me down but I become pretty sure about what I have to do. That means I become known about my feelings. I became the absolute through the floor of feelings. I can't know about the absolute but I could know how I fill myself with efforts. Maybe that is the best way for me to get 'I'. First, I must do my best in the works I need to do in the present. Be aware of everything around me. Do not attach to artificial matter hanging on it. Just aim at describing and practicing your own mind and will. I describe and practice the source of 'I': Will.
Every single matter all over the world would be chance. Read books and try to be accustomed the role of the world. Try to be best at the textbook that I learn. Do not try to judge on 'I', you will never do. But try to realize 'I'. Try to be evolved myself. Scheme, plan, practice. Remember there is some degrees that I must keep in mind. See the road. Make your noble but high aim, and enjoy the way to aim during the trip. Try to make everything bright and positive. I mean do not attach yourself make everything under your control, but try it. Do not rely on feelings, catch the real present. I realize the real from me. Because there is 'I' that I will realize.

Yes, it's me, Mr. I.

At the center of the universe, there is me. There is 'I'. There must be 'I'. Who recognize the universe from me? Everything starts from 'I'. Everything has been existed from the moments I've been existed. I have a will. 'Will' is the source of 'I'. Will enables 'I' to exist. Existence itself has different, separated meaning from the speciality of 'I'. Will directly describes and makes the description of 'I'. 'I' control 'Will'. But 'Will' itself has undepictable, really various forms of shapes about human recognization. Being started its unforgettable, ultimate journey after they have been existed. Existence enabled us to be existed. Existence could have meaning when it is described by recognization in detail. Before we existed, there would be another form of ultimate. We recognized and thought 'ultimate' before we existed. But if you ask me about the existence before we've been existed, I would answer that question in this way. 'Anything about our recognization has its own special meaning, we tend to believe everything under our recognization, scientific method is 'true'. But that is not true.' Recognization is the way to ensure 'existence'. The essential meaning of existence is not differ from the objects. Maybe, we pursue the absolute because we already have it in ourselves, or maybe we can't have it in our time. Maybe it is a photo from unceaseable past or future. It looks like that, but ultimatley, it is not true. The truth could be found in real existence. Maybe, all philosophical, mathmatical works to the absolute are nothing. But we aim, will pursue on it. Because they are the way we've constructed. So we do. Do not attach yourself to the artificial form of existence, progression. Keep that you, I do our real existence. Keep that it will payback almost everything you've missed in the present. I am the existence of I. For that, I am ultimate.